“This uncertainty is like torture” – An interview with Amir Khan’s family

In 2021, 15-year-old Amir from Afghanistan set out for Europe. His trail goes cold in Serbia. He is believed to have drowned in the Drina, the river marking the border between Serbia and Bosnia and Herzegovina. His body, however, has never been found. Amir’s parents explain why uncertainty is more agonising than death.

Do you remember how it all began? Was it Amir’s own idea to leave the country?

Aimal Khan (father): Amir left home on Friday, 3 June 2021.[Translator’s note: The German original contains chronological inconsistencies. It states that Amir left home on Friday, 3 June 2021, although that date was a Thursday. It later states that the family fled to Pakistan after the Taliban took control of Afghanistan in August 2021 and that Amir returned to Afghanistan a month later, even though, according to the earlier account, he had already been travelling since June and last contacted his family on 24 November 2021. The interview has been translated faithfully from the original, without correcting these details.] At first, we did not know that he had gone. We heard nothing from him for several days. He called us when he was already close to Iran. We tried to persuade him to return, but he wanted to continue his journey. He asked us to send him money.

We sat here together and prayed for him. It was clear that he would not return. So we sent money to the different smugglers he came into contact with during his journey. We had no other choice. We sold his mother’s gold jewellery and earrings.

It took him 15 days to reach Iran. Afterwards, he said, “I want to keep going.” He then set out on the dangerous route over the mountains and through the steppe into Türkiye. He needed money again, and we sent him the equivalent of €3,200. At one point, smugglers held him back. They would not let him continue his journey for two weeks.

A month later, he reached Serbia. He spent seven days at the reception centre in Preševo. We know the names of most of the cities he travelled through because he sent us messages. We still have screenshots of them. His entire journey lasted six months.

What happened next?

He sent us photographs as he set out for the border between Serbia and Bosnia. On 24 November 2021, he called us from Serbia. He was in “Afghan Park” in Belgrade, a park where people on the move meet and exchange information. He said to me, “Father, we have the train tickets and we are going to the border now.” At the time, we did not know which border he meant. Today, we know that it was the border with Bosnia.

That was the last time we heard from him — 24 November 2021. Some people say that wild animals ate him; others claim that he drowned in a river. To this day, we have no information whatsoever about Amir. We do not know where he is.

The same is true of two of his friends from Afghanistan. They are also missing. Someone called us and told us that all three of them had drowned in a river.

Had Amir known the two young men before then?

Aimal: He met them in Türkiye, along with a third young man. They told Amir that he should not travel with smugglers, but with them. “We will take you to Serbia,” they said. So he travelled to Serbia with them, and they became friends. The photographs show all four of them together. One of the young men Amir was travelling with is now in Switzerland. He is alive.

How would you describe Amir? Were you surprised that he wanted to set out for Europe entirely on his own, or was that in keeping with his character?

Bibi Zarghuna (mother): Amir is a very even-tempered and kind person. He has always got on well with everyone and formed close friendships. He even shared his food with his friends. He is simply a good person.

He attended school until the fourth grade. Because of our financial difficulties, we could no longer afford the school fees. So I took him to a jewellery workshop, where he made bracelets. Amir was still very young, perhaps nine or ten years old, when he started working there. At the time, we lived in Jalalabad, Afghanistan. He worked under two master jewellers, Qasim and Nasim, at a jewellery shop on Bangri-Walano Street. Today, we live in an Afghan settlement in Pakistan.

What plans did Amir have?

Bibi Zarghuna: Whenever we sat together, he would say, “I have dreams. I want to earn money and have a good income. I want to make my sisters’ dreams come true.” He saw the difficulties we faced and wanted to help us.

When the Taliban took control of Afghanistan in 2021, we fled to Pakistan. Amir was very unhappy about that. After a month, he returned to Afghanistan and lived with his uncle in Kabul.

Bibi Zarghuna, how many children do you have?

Bibi Zarghuna: I have three sons and five daughters — eight children in total, including Amir. Two daughters and one son are older than him. Amir was my fourth child. Amir was our greatest hope. We believed that one day he would help the family. Our eldest son has mental health difficulties. Now he wants to set out after Amir. He is 21. He wants to search for Amir.

How is your family coping with this difficult situation? Do you often talk about Amir, or is it too painful?

Bibi Zarghuna: We talk about Amir every day. Not a day goes by when we do not think about him or talk about him. And every time, we grieve all over again. In fact, we grieve every single day. His older brother is suffering particularly deeply because of his disappearance.

And what are the nights like? Do you find any rest then?

Bibi Zarghuna: We wake up, sit together and talk about him. We remember everything he said. We watch his videos and look at his photographs. We cannot forget him even for five minutes.

Tamana (youngest sister): I said to our mother, “Amir will come back. We must not forget him.” I prayed a great deal. Then Amir appeared in my dream. He told me that he was alive. That he had been among brutal, violent people, but that he was alive.

The International Commission on Missing Persons (ICMP) is currently running a project that analyses DNA samples from human remains found in Bosnia and from relatives of deceased persons. You are taking part in it.

Aimal: Yes. We sent our DNA samples to Bosnia.

What are you hoping for from this DNA test?

Aimal: To this day, no one has informed us of the DNA test results. We are expecting good news. We hope that Amir is alive, that he is not among the dead. Our entire family believes that he is still alive. We do not think he is dead.

Bibi Zarghuna: Please — if anyone has any information about Amir, share it with us. If he is alive, may God bring him back to us. If something terrible has happened to him, then please tell us. That would ease my pain.

We already live with illness, poverty and immense sorrow. Now, on top of that, we bear this pain of uncertainty. We simply have to know whether he is alive.

I can imagine how painful this uncertainty must be. When you think about the DNA tests, would you rather find his body than know nothing at all about his fate?

Aimal: Our dreams tell us that Amir is alive. We still have hope. But waiting an entire lifetime without ever knowing for certain would be even more painful than finding out one day that he is no longer alive. Not knowing what happened to him — that is what causes us the most suffering. Every second, we wait for any news about him. Grief is something we could endure. But this uncertainty is like torture.

Through our work at Klikaktiv, we established contact with the Khan family, and the interview with the family was subsequently conducted by our partner organisation PRO ASYL, with the assistance of an interpreter.